There's No One Around.

We talk about music sometimes, me and the boys. We can still work on it, sometimes. We have an updated plan, though I know we're not gonna hit the deadline that we want. But, it's fine. I just want to get to the point where it's done and we can send it off somewhere and pay someone to press it onto vinyl and then hold it in my handssss.

On that day...I will be happy. 

I Love Concerts.

It makes me sad that I can't be at all of them.

That's okay though. 

I've gone to several hundred at this point, and I consider myself lucky to have seen what I've seen. 

Man, I remember the days where me and my brother would have to sneak in disposable cameras to take pictures, then go and have them developed at a Walgreens, then be like 'Whoooa! This is an awesome shot!'  or be sad by a bad one, because you'd never know what you'd end up with until it was way too late.

Christ, how the times have changed. 

Holy Hell.

That things happening soon..!

.. Gonna be married. I predict zero change in the day-to-day life. After being together for almost twelve years, there are very few surprises I can even imagine being thrown my way. But.. It's just nice to have someone who appreciates you for who you are. I'm no fucking prize either, so, I know what she deals with.

Blegh. Relationships. Yuck. 

Work. Work. Work.

I've wasted too much of my life here at this point. I have promised myself that in less than a year I'll be gone.

I just miss having nights & weekends free. 

Why does money have to be a thing? And why do people say stupid shit like that? And who am I even talking to?

The Albums I Keep Listening To

My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

David Bowie - Blackstar

Kill Hannah - Until There's Nothing Left Of Us

Zwan - Mary Star of the Sea

Paper Rival - Paper Rival EP

Radiohead - Kid A

Those have been on heavy rotation lately. Not sure why, but I've been drawn to them lately. 

That's all I got! 

Why Is Friends Always On?

I've seen every episode of this show so many times now it's all just a terrible blur.

I don't know why I keep watching it.

Goddamn you, Nick-at-Nite. 

I remember when Roseanne was on there. I'd fall asleep watching it. Man, I love Roseanne. The show. 

Remember that thing she said though? 


If Time Was On My Side

I wish I had documented every piece of us trying to make this album. We started, what, seven years ago? One day a week was our goal. We kept up with it for a while, then we started to just hang out. Then life got in the way here and there and we'd miss a week or two, then every other week or two. In seven years, its basically been one week off per month, and one hang out - if not two - being *just* a hang out, not working on music. 

So, like I said, I'd like to have documented all of this, because it feels like a no-name bands Chinese Democracy. Or any given Tool album these days.

We'll get there. One day.

We *have* to. 

Go on, be free.

I fall, crashing into a deep sleep, and wherever I turn, you're always there. I've lost track of all the times I've killed myself when my eyelids shut, and every time I turn around, you always seem to be right there. And the number of ways in the countless times that I've taken your life, I've certainly lost track. But no matter what, when I turn my back, you're always there. Then I think about all the run-on sentences and nonsensical words I've strung together, and all the times I've chosen to stay awake when I should have slept.. I can't fix what's already been done. But I wish that when I turned around, you would always be there.

I Measure Life In Bad Films And Genuine Laughs.

There's something to be said for spending so much time watching movies that I know are going to be bad. However, there's so many layers to the reasoning of it all. Who knows if I can actually put my finger on it, but the first part of it is that I just love movies. I'll watch any kind of movie, with almost zero hesitation, because I love them. Regardless of genre, someone put time & money into putting together this product, that people actually believed in enough to star in.. It's just insane, sometimes, when you think about it. Like a lower-production b-movie. These people have to know that they're not in Casablanca or Gone With The Wind. But they're putting in the time and effort.

Part of me wants to make a movie one day. I've got the idea. I've got the soundtrack. I just need the time to write it. And then give it to somebody more ambitious than I am so that they could make it a real thing.

.. But part of me just wants to make a killer fucking soundtrack, because I love music more than movies. I think.

And I think I have good taste in music.

I just...want to do something with my life.



Haaoooow'm I driving?

Losing Sleep Between The Chords.

For the first time in what feels like forever, I sat down and played a bit of a videogame tonite. It wasn't anything special, as all I did was side missions, but, it was still fun. Quite a while ago, John loaned me the Metal Gear Solid: Phantom Pains game, which I'm apparently only 37% done with at this point. Something tells me I won't be getting much further than that. Which - I wasn't planning on talking about it more, but, fuck it - I swear to god, I'll click on the side missions thing and it'll tell me that I have 18 to do. I look thru them and choose one. That fucking 18 never goes down. Some other side mission which was already done becomes undone or something, because I'll do six or seven side mission in, like, 20 minutes, and that fucking 18 never. goes. down. Urgh.


Today should've been a music day, but, it didn't turn out that way. Which is fine, I guess. I feel super beaten down lately for some reason. I don't *think* I've been working more than usual, but, it still feels like I'm dying. Which is cool. So, I decided to just head home after work, and ended up making breakfast for dinner, which is the best part of being an adult.

Currently, I'm doing laundry while letting Spotify play at half volume off of my phone. I have the Wordpad program open on my computer, too. I'm just kind of...looking over everything I've written for this album that we're still slowly working on. Not sure I'll ever be happy with anything I do. Ever. But, it's whatever at this point. I just want to be able to point to something and say, "Hey, I did that."

Other than that, my phone had a system update earlier tonite and I was going to type up a blog on the Squarespace app on that, but, I cannot for the fucking life of me understand why they fucked with the keyboard. Very annoying. So, I'm on my computer that runs for about 15mins before it decides it's out of breath and starts making loud noises, creeping me out enough to choose to put it to sleep.

Has anyone heard from John on this site lately..?


When I Accelerate, I Remember Why It's Good To Be Alive.

So, yesterday I went to see Nada Surf with Eden (my girlfriend) and Elisa (Johns wife) at the Metro in Chicago. It was the 3rd time I've seen Nada Surf, and they always put on an awesomely energetic show. 

They're currently celebrating the 15th anniversary of their album, Let Go, which is my favorite album of theirs (and, if I'm not mistaken, also the favorite of Eden and Elisa). From the opening track, Blizzard of '77, to the last one, Paper Boats, the album is an outstanding journey of personal growth. I'm fairly confident that anyone who listens to the album can find at least *one* song that's relatable.

Anyways, it occurred to me while I was on delivery earlier today that it would be cool to start making Spotify playlists consisting of the bands setlist from whatever show I go to. It would have been awesome to have done this years ago, but, what the fuck, I only just had the idea today. So, leave me alone.

With all of that being said, please enjoy these Nada Surf songs (and one Joy Division song that they played in the breakdown of Stalemate, which flowed so fucking perfectly that I could have cried).

I Was There. I Saw You There. And I Think You Saw Me Too.

I remember falling in love at ten million hours a mile. 

Her hair was the color of a fresh bruise that was just beginning to take shape, but she used that to hide behind so that no one would approach her. It only worked for so long, and then she got tired of hiding.

I only knew her from a distance, but there was no end to the ways in which I considered her perfect.

That's when she found me.

The Attitude Era (of WHS).

So, I remember back in the early days of going to Wheeling High School, a friend of mine was suuuper into wrestling. Granted, I was pretty into it at the time myself, but this kid went above and beyond. He used to write his own scripts that were anywhere between ten and twenty pages long, front & back, and during any passing period that we passed each other, he'd give me them to read and give notes on. It was crazy, really, because me and him weren't that good of friends, but this was the thing that made our friendship.

Every Monday, I would watch Monday Night Raw, which was the best television could offer at the time. But, then at some point during the week, this kid would have the intro written out, complete with announcers dialog, then have the matches written out in full detail, promos written in between.

Jesus Christ, it was nuts.. I mean, it was cool at the time, and probably would be awesome to read now, just because...well, I haven't watched wrestling since 2003-ish. I'm sure it would bring back a bunch of memories as to what the storylines were like back then.

There aren't a lot of "nerdy" things I was a part of, but, that's certainly one of them.

So Many Repeated Viewings.

I've been watching Friends basically every night after work. Probably just because it's on at the time that I get home. But, I've also been watching Arrested Development on my phone while trying to do some work on the computer. Which, obviously, doesn't work well.

I really wish Mr. Show was on Netflix though. I can't seem to find those dvd's of mine, but, at least they have W/Bob and David on there, which is the closest thing. And it's still goddamn funny.

.. I should rewatch that soon.

I've Never Been Drunk, But Goddamn..

.. do I feel like hitting that point soon.

I'm exhausted, which I'm sure makes me sound like a broken record, but that's just the way things have been going for a while on my side of things. Meanwhile, we're still very slowly going along with all of this music stuff, which is bound to get finished one day.

And the podcast, too. Really gotta work on that.

An American Murder Mystery.

I'm clearing things off of the old DVR. Again. Currently watching the three-part series on Casey Anthony and her trial on the ID channel. It's all just so incredibly fucked. Everything, really. Life. This world we live in. The people, especially. Sometimes it's just too much to take in, man.

I should probably just stick to watching Friends reruns, or Family Guy or something on Netflix that's easy to swallow, or leave on in the background while doing nothing. It's so much easier to just keep digesting things you've already seen, and memorized, over and over.

But, here I am.

Backing Up.

It's so much more important to back things up than I ever thought it would be.

I've lost so many writings and ideas and so much music and other bullshit because I just never took the fucking time to back it up. And it's not hard to. So, I have zero reason other than I'm just an asshole, clearly.

Stumbled upon an old blog though, which was fun enough in itself, but it had some of my old radio shows on there from my Party934 days, which was fun to listen to. I kind of hated the time I had to do (it was always, like, fuckin 3am or 5am when I did shows, but I know I don't wake up that early, so I'd stay up after waking up at 7am to go to work. So, there was very little sleep those days), but it was always fun to do the shows themselves. 

I've always been into sharing music with people, and I've always *wanted* to be talented enough to actually make music. I still pretend like I can, which is cool, I guess.

.. I don't know why I'm making this a blog. It's a non-blog, if anything. But, this site needs some form of updating, and since I don't have songs to put up, it's blogs.

Maybe the new incarnation of City Noise Radio will become something I actually look forward to. Right now, it's just another idea on top of a list of other ones I've long forgotten about.

Is it so much to want to do something to be remembered by..?

Something Is Wrong.

I've grown tired of putting in effort into things. Almost everything, really. But only because it never seems to be appreciated or is just taken advantage of. I can't seem to figure out why I bother trying when no one else is. I just want to be technology-less for a while. No phone, that would be the nicest part. It might be coming soon, now that I think about it. We'll see..

Regardless, if nothing else, it gives me the thought that I should focus on trying to finish all this work with these guys so that when I *do* die suddenly, I won't be bummed out that I didn't do something with my life that I can be proud of.

.. Don't you miss having the tight schedule in life like you had in school? Things just seemed easier to accomplish with that built-in structure.